I knew what I was doing. I still do. I have to lead with that assurance, although I’m not sure who for. My past self rolled the dice. He gambled with his decision. He knew what he was doing when he cut me loose into the present I find myself in.
He knew it’d be dangerous.
He knew I couldn’t fly.
He knew that and he sent me.
One thousand to the west and one toward the sky.
He knew I’d have to be brave.
He knew that wouldn’t be always.
He knew I’d have to feel lonely.
He knew that wouldn’t be all days.
He knew I’d be uncomfortable.
He knew I would miss all I left behind.
He knew I’d try to fill those spaces.
He didn’t know what I would find.
He knew I’d want to cry.
He knew I’d ache for hugs.
He knew I’d sit around on cold nights, missing past loves.
He knew it would feel a mistake.
He knew I had to mess up.
He knew it had to be big.
He knew it had to feel rough.
He knew I’d hate him for what he’d done.
He knew I’d never forgive his sin.
He knew how much I’d have to lose.
He knew how few I’d get to win.
He didn’t know what would happen in the end.
He didn’t have some gift of future sight.
He didn’t know why or how or even when.
He just knew me
would prove him right.