It costs me nothing.
You don’t get it, do you? I’ve already run the numbers and done the math. There are no right or wrong reasons. There is just the one reason and it’s the only one I’ve never allowed it to dictate me on its very own. Until now. And oh does it feel good. Don’t you see?
It costs me nothing.
To sit here. To remain. To sit here and be hurt and look stupid. To put in work that may well have no benefit. To exist for the wrong reasons. What did you say I was? An arch nemesis? Something along those lines? Well, let me at the very least, and for the first time, fill that role in a willing way. Don’t you see?
It costs me nothing.
To remind you and me that this is a place that you showed me and now I get to stay. I love it. I really do. And to be honest it’s a lot like the way I once did you. It probably won’t last. This could very well be my last day. But if it’s my last, you can bet your ass to the end I’ll stay, because
It costs me nothing.
I already feel it. Ignored. Hurt. Torn to pieces. Stupid. Foolish. Embarrassed. Dumb. Headstrong. Obsessive. Weak. So weak. Weaker than I’ve ever felt. And wrong. Have I mentioned that? It’s a much more objective word than those that precede it. Wrong. I feel wrong. And incorrect. For trying. And for trusting. And more than anything, for caring. That’s the key, though, isn’t it? The key is that I’ve already cared for too long and too strong and so it’s not soon going away. And yes maybe in this choice I will cause my grieving process delay… but the truth is:
It costs me nothing.
Because you already made me pay.
Hah. Funny thing is, when I chose to sit, I didn’t even know you were there. But for real, come on. If you’re gonna turn and run, at least push in your chair.