I find myself grieving a feeling that I didn’t think myself at risk of losing. Now, it may not yet be lost just yet. I could perhaps still reach out for it. Do I want to, though? If it is worth reaching out for, then surely it would have been worth holding onto. Funny, this feeling was firmly in my grasp only just this morning. Or was it?
Come to think of it, the feeling itself has not been present in days. Only its symptoms have been constant and to be quite honest, I do not much like them.
Does anyone? What is the correct relationship to have with the symptoms of a feeling. They cannot be denied, yet they also cannot be embraced.
And since the symptoms follow the feeling as closely as any one thing can another, the feeling itself must then abide by the same suffocating rules. I must stay vigilant when it comes to these symptoms. They are to the feeling what smoke is to fire.
Run from smoke? Lose sight of the fire.
Run to smoke? Find yourself chasing clouds, reaching out for what cannot be held.
Unfortunately, this analogy quickly finds its ceiling once you recognize that you cannot hold fire, either.
Unless..?
No, no way.
And even if you could, it would be incredibly painful. It would only last for a split second at the most.
You would have to be willing to get burned.